When I was studying, I was always told that an audience for a piece of writing, an advert or a product should be specific, and you should never refer to the ‘general public’ as an audience. I now understand why this was so heavily drilled into us; as it turns out, ‘the general public’ are mad and very little should be aimed towards them, except perhaps help.

Here are a few of the accidental one-liners that have come out of the mouths of real people in the Irish Bar

I’ll take an Irish Scotch

There is Scotch whiskey and there is Irish whiskey, and never shall the two be combined, no matter how many Americans ask for it.

I’ll have a Guinness and a Stout

Should you ask for this, you will receive two of the same thing, a Guinness is a stout.

I’ll have a Jameson and a Whiskey

Much to the same effect as the previous comment, except that if you don’t know that Jameson is a whiskey, you probably shouldn’t be ordering it.

Is the bar open?

Not such an unusual question I admit, unless the person asking it is stood at the bar, ahead of 2 rows of people waiting to be served, and this person is talking, loudly due to the music, to a barman that is currently pouring a drink. I kid you not, these people exist, if only to make our lives difficult.

Do you sell Guinness?

Really?!